:: Longing

You want to call him; but would it sound too needy? Pushing things?

Butterflies fill your stomach just thinking about him; most of the time you do anyway. You want to hear his deep comforting voice. You want to hear his cheerful, balanced yet real laughter. You want to just check-up on him, now that he’s travelling away.

Maybe just a text message?

Then you re-think that the last texts and calls were initiated by you. You try to fight your longing and missing just to keep a certain image. He has to call you first sometime. Even though he made it a clear and open invitation that you are welcome anytime to call him; that he misses hanging out with you; that he loved the one hour and a half making out session; you just have to make him want you more.

You are then afraid logging into your MSN account; because you don’t want to see him online and start wondering what he might be doing. You don’t want to login into any of the online profiles; not because you might be feeling that you found something good; but not wanting to ruin it by seeing his “last logged on” timestamp.

Thoughts and ideas start haunting you.

I am haunted;

and I am longing for him.