December 17, 2006

:: "Mou Lipis, Agapi Mou" - [Part III]

" and darkness falls in my eyes,
and days are far from rosy now,
and if I asked for the sky,
would you still shelter me
when the sky, falls ?
I remember
I remember "

- Tiësto

Though I was in the middle of nowhere, cold air going through the mountains and reaching under my light black shirt, though it was all dark around me, nothing was seen except the stars' faint light, nothing was heard but the sound of the sea smashing on the rocks and distant sounds of cars passing quickly on the high way; I felt warmth while my hands were squeezed between Ewan's palms. I felt comfortable and secured, just thinking that he was next to me, asking me to follow him. He came near the end of the cliff and whispered, as if he didn't want to disturb nature as it was: "This is my hiding spot. I come here, have a cigarette and watch the horizon". I was amazed, how he had discovered this place; it was totally random, very hard to notice; but it was beautiful. He quickly sat on the cliff's edge, knowing every inch of the place and laid on his back.

"Digg, do like me. It's great!"

I slowly came near the edge, sat, laid and could hardly hear him, now that I was on the same level of the wind, blowing in my ears; seeing nothing, now that I was looking in black deep sky, full of constellations. I moved my hand, reaching for his; held it and I felt butterflies inside of me. Nobody made me experience what I went through with him, nobody made me feel cherished, they way he made me feel. We kept our position for around half an hour. I wasn't feeling cold anymore; I felt I was floating with all that wind, space and his touch. He slowly moved on his side, came near my right ear and whispered: "Do you like it?". I couldn't answer; I just nodded my head. I am not sure if he saw me doing that but I was quiet sure that he felt that I was on cloud nine. He stood up quietly and helped me to stand up, now that all my muscles were loose. He asked me to follow him again; this time he ran up a hill near by, climbed some rocks and stood on top. I went up the same way he did, yet a lot slower in pace. "Want to feel like Titanic?", he yelled while opening his arms wide open and closed his eyes! I laughed, hugged him from his back and put a kiss on his neck. Air was blowing so hard on that hill; we sat down, hardly lit cigarettes and kept watching the horizon on one side, and some lonely car passing every now and then on the other side of the highway. We were silent, but a lot was going through my head. Ewan was born to be free. He always kept telling me that. If we happen to be in a relationship, and obviously he has been hinting a lot about that, would it really work out? Was I ready to compromise a lot of my most important points and life rules? He couldn't move to Cairo. I couldn't go to Sharm al Sheikh. How could we be together then?

Around an hour later, we started moving back to Suez. Ewan turned the stereo down and looked at me.

"Digg, did you like it over there?"

"Yeah, it was great. It felt so comfortable and nice. How did you find this place anyway?"

"You weren't scared?", he said. I wasn't sure what he meant by that. I thought he was only making sure if I felt safe with him.

"Of course not, you were sure about what you were doing back there!", I answered, while wondering what he really meant by that.

"No. I mean, how could you go to that distant, unknown place, with somebody your barely know like me? We have only been dating for almost a month. You don't know me well.", he answered. I felt confused. What was he implementing by that? He kept on talking: "I could have hit you, stole your car, and money, left you in the desert; I could have had people there who would do that to you.. how could you trust me? I wouldn't do that at all."

I shrugged, looked at him and said: "I've been around quiet a bit. I met people who could harm me, some did that already. I gained -somehow- some experience in people I meet. With you, I trusted my instinct. You trusted me, meeting your parents and knowing your life -do you think this isn't enough? Yes, there is a risk to take, but it was very faint."

"Well, all this could have been a set up. I am just asking you to take more care next time. Don't trust people that easily. I know I don't!"

I was totally confused by then: is he alright? What happened to the nice guy I was dating? What the hell was he saying? Instead of ending this magical escapade in a magnificent way, he just crushed me like one of those waves on rocks I was watching earlier. Suddenly, I felt unsafe, not because of what he said, but I have just discovered a paranoid thought that he had in his mind: what was Pandora hiding?

A couple of hours later, we reached Suez. I insisted that I would spend the night in my hotel room, I tried joking about it: "You could kill me if I spend the night with you!". He came over and stayed with me all night. I decided to know that person more, now that I started discovering some strange ideas floating in his head. We had a couple of cocktails and I started asking some questions about his life, his girl friend that he mentioned when we first met.

"Yeah, I have a girl friend. Well; she's nice actually. She's in her forties and has the cutest dogs you could ever meet!", while I was processing what he had told me, forties? He opened his wallet and took out a couple of her pictures. She looked European; German, he said. I saw her dogs. I saw her house in Sharm al Sheikh. I saw what he meant: I understood. He kept telling me about being independent, about her taking good care of him, about his business. He liked the care that she was giving him; that was what he was seeking. She always waited for him, she would always do. The missing puzzle pieces were handed to me. He told me about his previous relationship with a guy from Cairo, when he was in high school. It spanned for 5 years. He was from Emirates (that explained the Khaliji music). He lived in his place while he was studying in high school and university afterwards. He used to clean, cook and prepare everything for him when he gets back home from work. Anger started raising later on, his boyfriend was jealous, doubting about everything. He started controlling Ewan's life; which made him go crazy, smashing a good amount of dishes. They broke up later on, because his boyfriend had to go back to his wife in Emirates. That was too much for me to know; but very crucial.

That night, we had sex.. just sex.

The following morning, we walked around the city, by the sea side, near the ships. Ewan started talking: "Digg, what if I get you work in my dad's factory?". He actually wanted me to move. "Would you accept it?" -it wasn't about accepting work, it was about accepting him and I, together. I wasn't sure what to answer, I couldn't leave Cairo, I couldn't leave Cairo for someone I don't know. I know that he was seeking comfort and care, something that he would fight and go beyond the normal lines to get it, but was I the one who was supposed to provide him that? He gave me this good feeling for the couple of weeks we dated, am I selfish, not giving it back to him as he needed it to be in his way? I was not ready to gamble my life -again- in that very short period of time. I said I would think about it, but I wasn't ready to do that.

Ewan wanted to go back with me to Cairo. I totally refused that he would do that again; I left, thanking him for the great time I spent and for the experiences I lived.

All way back home, Ewan kept calling me every now and then, making sure that I was alright. When I reached house, I wished him good night and went to bed. The next morning I found an SMS from him saying that he was on his way to Sharm al Sheikh; that boy never rests!

A couple of weeks later, Ewan called, telling me that he would be in Cairo the next day: "I am going to Greece. There is something important. I must see you". It was so obscure. I met him in the bus station and went to Armando Café. He ordered his Earl Grey, I ordered my Espresso. He wanted to talk about something, but couldn't really say it. I gave him space. For that moment, I was providing him security. Some time later, Ewan decided to open up: "Digg, I want to tell you a secret; but please, it is a secret, my dad should never know about it". I assured him that I'd keep him safe. "I am going to Greece without him knowing, I decided to..", he looked in my eyes and continued: ".. I decided to get baptized". That moment, I couldn't help but notice the cross he was wearing around his neck (I always knew that Ewan was Muslim -carrying his father's religion). Why should I be surprised; I've tasted a lot of his confusions. He kept silence for a moment, then he asked: "What do you think?". What were I thinking? Nothing. Void. "Ewan, it's your call, specially religion and belief: this is a spiritual connection between God and you. Nobody should interfere. If you feel like converting to Christianity, and you are convinced, so be it". I tried to be as warm as I could, he was scared and needed to feel comfort. I knew that everything was screwed up between us by then, I cannot get committed to someone who, not only is trading his sexual preferences, but his own belief! Ewan cheered. He said that he was so scared to tell me, that he told nobody but his mother who will be waiting for him in Greece. He hugged me and thanked me a lot, for understanding what he was going through. He then opened his back pack and took out bibles, books, carols, hymns and lyrics to show me what he had learnt so far. I was too distant, thinking about how people are never perfect. All along my dating life, I met a lot of guys. Although they were different one another, some I would brag saying I had sex with, others I would keep them deep inside of me as my darkest secrets, they all shared one thing: confusion. I nodded and smiled when I was supposed to do so. I frowned and asked when I was expected to act so. It was almost midnight, his plane should take off around 4 AM. I was driving to the airport when his father called and told him that he was waiting for hiin frontnt of the airport external entrance; that both his sisters and step mother are waiting for him in the car to say goodbye. While driving him there, Ewan kept holding my hand, squeezing it. I noticed his eyes reflecting lights usually: was he crying? I saw a tear going down his cheek, and him removing it quietly. I slowed down and told him that it was difficult to leave his life suddenly. He answered: "I cannot get back to Egypt once I do that. It's impossible for me." I kissed his hand and told him that it wasn't too late anyway, he could go to Greece and think about it deeply. He nodded, looked at me and said: "Digg, I am doing this because of you. I was happy to find you, I wanted to stay here, but it is not working between us, and I got sick of this. You changed me, I couldn't go back to my ordinary life." I felt uneasy with what he said. I felt guilt. My emotions were perfectly guiding me to be with him, someone who is free and knows how to live his life, knows where beauty is and goes to get it.. but my mind was analyzing the whole situation clearly. If -and when- one day things are blue, would he be there for me? Or should the world be on my shoulders? His anger moments, would he control his temper? Or he would he go for a smashing spree? Will I trust him? Emotions weren't enough. I felt sad, I felt sorry for him, I felt cruel for altering his life the way I did.

Once we reached the external door of Cairo International Airport, I wanted to drive him inside, but his father was waiting and Ewan, as usual, asked me to leave. He quickly removed the cross he was wearing so his father won't comment on it. I was getting ready to step out of the car when he pulled me and kissed me deeply. I was confused, since his father, sisters and step mother were looking at us; but I kissed him back. I knew that this would be the last time we meet. He slowly moved out of the car and went to greet his father. I stepped out and said hi to his dad, and couldn't help but notice his younger sister blushing. To the last moment, Ewan was making me experience new things. I came near Ewan, he hugged me then said: "Go. I will keep my cell phone on till the flight. Call me if you can".

I still remember his face, while I was driving away.

E, I might have been the reason that made you discover what you were doing was a temporarily patching for your life. You made me know for sure that there are great things in life that we, being materialistic, are missing a lot. A simple walk on the beach, a lighthouse, a mountain, a star, a kiss, a ship, can be the best and a lot better than a fancy dinner or an expensive trip.

E, For now, Yassou, Agapi Mou!

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December 14, 2006

:: "Mou Lipis, Agapi Mou" - [Part II]

"You give me, you're giving me the sweetest taboo
Too good for me
There's a quiet storm
And it never felt like this before
There's a quiet storm
That is you"

- Sade

We have always dreamt that one day, the handsome Prince would come on his white horse and not only love you unconditionally and eternally, but declare and show his love to everyone, breaking all the fears and not-allowed-to's. Making you believe in love as it should be, and appreciate that someone has finally come on your way to rescue you from all the scattered thoughts and feelings that you have been living with. It is a great joy, and tremendous feeling of security and safety when you find someone who shares you the same desires and needs, and even goes beyond your previously drawn wildest limits.. is it?

My Prince came riding a Pegasus, unexpectedly changed my life. Who could ever predict that a simple crush in Sharm al Sheikh, me walking in his Bazaar, would make us reach that moment, in Mohandessine, in a Syrian restaurant, smoking cigarettes and drinking mint tea after eating a house specialty Kharoof Mendy and him asking me to meet his folks, and introduce me, not as a friend, not as a colleague, not as a co-worker like we all introduce them to our entourage.. but as his boyfriend!

"Do you mean, boyfriend as in Lover boyfriend?", I asked, making sure that his point was totally clear to me by that time.

"Yes. I want them to meet you".

I couldn't really get what he was saying. First, who said we were Lovers! For crying out loud we haven't even slept together! Second, I've never been in such situation, his family knowing that we are.. sleeping together? That was far beyond all my most awkward moments in life! I quickly finished my tea and walked outside the shop. Ewan asked me if it would be okay, going to Suez. I felt confusion: we weren't boyfriends yet. We were anything but lovers. He was rushing things too much. I just told him that I would think about it, since I am not sure if I'd be free by the following week-end to travel. I really had to think about that mess. Have I gone too deep? Why do we feel scared once we are in a serious relationship that so far by all means looks suitable? Yes, we haven't had sex yet. I agree we have only met a bunch of times, but the feeling he was giving me was unexplainable. His care and attention were just too right. Deep inside of me, I knew that he might be the rebound guy; but he could as well be the guy. Too many thoughts in my head were echoing. I just needed two things: time and space to think, which weren't provided at that moment. I decided to enjoy whatever the situation was, and let the rest be the way it would go. He kept on playing his favorite songs, to be honest, I started singing along with some of the things he kept replaying several times. Those songs really do stick in your mind for some time after listening to them! As usual I drove him to the bus station so he'd take the 8 hours long drive back to Sharm al Sheikh. As I parked in the darkest spot I could see next to the SuperJet cars, he pressed his lips on mine again, and this time we made sure our tongues would have contact. His kiss was so warm, sweet and tasted minty. It tasted honest and sincere as well. I had to stop the making out or someone would be really offended in the street if we were seen. He stepped out of the car and asked me to leave. I knew later that he hated "goodbyes", by all their aspects and forms. I am assuming that the Yassou that he used to tell me by the end of the call didn't mean the Bye meaning. I kept parking in the shades, thinking and looking at the bus. It wasn't that bad what he told me, in fact, it was excellent. Wasn't that what I always wished in a stable relationship? His parents knowing and -if possible- mine too? Half my dream came, being out to his family. I started day dreaming about parties, receptions, gatherings and events, me among his family, sitting on the same table and not hiding my emotions and true relationship with Ewan, the gorgeous Ewan. His lips tasted so sweet, his breathe was so minty. I woke up by an SMS, from him, telling me that I should have left as he asked me, that he misses me more and can't wait for me going to Suez with him. I started my engines, sent him a take care of yourself SMS and drove back home.

Two days later, I made up my mind: I was going to his place. Around 4 PM, I called him to tell him that piece of news. He was with his dad in Suez. I started my call normally then teased him as he was really longing to know whether I would be coming that week-end or not. When I told him that I would be moving at 7 PM to meet him there, he just screamed:

"Really? Dad! Dad! Digg is coming this week-end"; he really did tell his parents about me. I faintly heard his dad saying that this would be great, meeting me in person; and that I was most welcome. I shivered.. I felt joy and excitement moving in my stomach: what I was experiencing with that Hermes guy was totally new. He knew how to storm in my life, correctly. I confirmed with him that he should stay then in his place since I would be coming over. He told me: "No. I am coming to Cairo so we'd drive together the way to Suez." - Gosh! Does this happen really? Is his care extended to that limit? Coming to Cairo from Suez, in a bus just to join me and go together back to where he just left, 2 hours before?

And it did. I was showing off all the way to Suez what I learnt so far in his native language. I could say numbers by that time, as well as very basic sentences.. and I made sure I always add Agapi Mou after every group of words. The road was so cosy, the setting sun reflecting on us, giving him more splendor and beauty than ever.. his deep hazel greenish eyes were glowing; his tempting tanned skin was so inviting to touch. Once we reached Suez, Ewan insisted we'd go by the Sea Side, to his favorite spot. I parked, and slowly stepped out of the car. He rushed by the fence and pointed at a very distant lighthouse: "You see that? I always sit here at night, and see how many spins can it make till I feel tired and go home". How nice it was when he was showing me the common things that he used to do whenever he was in Suez. He maintained a calm relaxing time, away from his hectic crazy life in Sharm and Cairo. Though he was a young businessman, in his mid twenties, but was full of energy and ideas. Managing two Bazaars, selecting what to import and finishing his deals all on his own was admirable. He then proposed that we'd go to his place, when I asked about its whereabouts, he said that his house was next to his parents'. I felt uncomfortable to the idea me walking in and out his place while his folks were watching us. I insisted that I'd reserve a hotel room and I could easily do whatever suited me by then. (I must have a backup plan, if I learnt anything from Frasier show, that would be the one).

Later that night, Ewan took me to one of his favorite Sea Food restaurants. I noticed that he knew many good venues and ways to get quality food. After a quick tour in the deserted city (it was around 2 AM by then), we decided to go to his place.

Once I stepped into his house, I was taken by the interior design, a true Mediterranean collector: a big sword fish on the wall, a beautifully designed wooden ship, corals and even an enormous fish tank reflecting beautiful colors with amazing, so relaxing to watch varieties of fish. He switched TV on, brought two glasses, a Smirnov Cranberry bottle and a bunch of albums. A cigarette had to join the scenery! My Hercules kept showing me the different pictures he had taken over years; he looked so cute in the traditional Greek outfit, as well as in his graduation. He showed me many pictures of his latter diving trip as well as his worldwide ones, specially those in Sudan. I felt comfortable. I don't know whether it was alcohol that spinned our heads, the lighting in his place or the calm sound of the water and bubbles in the fish tank, but I had one of my best sex nights with the hottest guy I dated.. mixed with the very comfortable feelings. The way he treated my lips, my body, my desires and emotions made me crave for more each time we stopped.

Around 7 AM, while hugging me so tight, Ewan slept peacefully on my chest. I kept touching his face and hair, thinking.. could he be the one? Could this be my final stop? How was I thinking reserving a room away from this pleasure and comfort?

It was after noon when I woke up. I could smell breakfast prepared, eggs, toasted bread and coffee.. I could hear something as well, Ewan's voice.. and some other voices too. While I was putting on my clothes, Ewan walked in and said: "I was about to wake you up. My dad is here! Come, breakfast is ready" -Shit! I am in the moment I was scared of most. I went to the bathroom and kept on fixing what alcohol, sex and lack of sleep showed on my face. I couldn't help noticing a hickey on my neck. Shit! Shit!

"Good morning", I said while coming near the finely set breakfast table.

"Good morning! I am Ewan's father. He's been talking a lot about you!"

What should I answer? What should I say now? What am I supposed to do? Smile? Look away? Blush? I never felt that feeling before. I was never put in such confusing situation.

"I am happy being in here really. First time in Suez!", I answered, trying to cover my confusion -and my hickey- as much as I could. His father was sweet and nice. Actually I shouldn't have made all that mess from the first place! His dad was totally accepting gay life, believing in gay relationships and actually loved his son as he was. Apparently he met other dates before, he might have said the same words I heard also, but I liked what I felt; actually it was beyond all my expectations. Once breakfast was over, his father excused and I had another round with my Apollo.

Later that day, we left his place and went to a Café by the Red Sea. Ewan's biggest love was ships. He always loved watching ships, being in ships, driving ships. He specially knew everything about the Cargo ones; pointing at logos and telling me about what they are carrying. He took pictures of ships, me and the ships, himself and the ships, ships with other ships! While he was talking and telling me about his sea passion, I couldn't help but wonder how free he was. Too free actually. He wasn't that kind of people who like to stay committed to something, I even knew that he worked for a while with his father in his factory when he felt really tied and decided to leave and move to Sharm where he can be free. he prefers staying alone than staying in groups, he always travels so he won't be accustomed to one place; Ewan was not actually made for a long term relationship. People passing in his life were pretty much like those big ships, they are slow, they take their time, but sooner or later, they are out of your vision; lost in the big deep blue sea.

That night, Ewan asked me to drive to a certain place, some 200 KM drive from Suez, direction Hurghada. I couldn't expect, again, what he was planing for me. It was past midnight when we were on our way to that mysterious spot in the mountains. I could barely see the roads clear infront of me, but Ewan seemed to know the way pretty well; all curves and blocks in our way.

"Slow down here", he said after lowering the car stereo. "Go the left, but slowly, we're going into the desert off the road". I did what he asked me.. I switched my high and fog lights on: I was on a cliff, next to a mountain. He asked me to go out of the car and make sure to lock it well. He held my hand and guided me near the cliff's edge. His hand felt so warm in that cold night. I shivered.. he squeezed my hand with both of his. I had to stop and look around me.. I was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains and on a cliff over the sea with the hottest and warmest man. Where could that lead us?

>> Proceed to Part III

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December 11, 2006

:: "Mou Lipis, Agapi Mou" - [Part I]

"Oh, when you walk by every night
Talking sweet and looking fine
I get kinda hectic inside
Mmm, baby I'm so into you
Darling, if you only knew
All the things that flow through my mind
(But it's just a) sweet, sweet fantasy, baby"

-Mariah Carey

Once upon a time, Zeus fell for the mortal Alkmênê. He couldn't resist her charms and beauty. Dared to sleep with her though he was married to the mighty and beautiful Hera. The fruit of that marriage gave a hunk, a splendid, free and creative Hercules. He always believed that he hadn't one place called home, he always wanted to travel everywhere and discover the unknown; made fun of all risks and dangers that threatened him and enjoyed overcoming them all. His emotions and feelings were never permanent, but changing and varying with every person he used to meet going from Amazon Women to mere mortal females; until he loved the one: Deïaneira, daughter of the King of Calydon. Because of his true love; she had to die; so Hercules would go back to the wilderness; since he was never supposed to be under the influence of one person, one land, one home: Freedom is Hercules.

With a little twist in that; and replacing Hercules with Ewan, this can be his tale. Ewan would perfectly fit in this picture, since his Greek mother and Egyptian dad made sure that he would get the sexiest look ever. His semi brownish smooth hair, light hazel wide yet sleepy eyes, perfect cherry lips and the cutest nose that I always loved to kiss; made him a Greek God. When we accidentally met in Sharm al Sheikh; I walked into his shop on purpose to buy anything my eyes could see, just to talk to him; though I was traveling with my straight friend. Sometimes; you cannot let such opportunities go away and give it a shot. When I walked into that Bazaar, I couldn't understand what I was doing, I just wanted to see him closer and listen to his voice -that would have turned me on, admiring his body under that light white Zara sleeveless top.

"How much is this necklace", I just mumbled while looking at his red lips, waiting he would pronounce anything just to watch them move. I pictured myself like Niles Crane, making advantage of any passing chance to look at Daphne Moon's body; touch her or just imagine her as a turn-on!

"45 Pounds. I got them from Sudan". 45 different kissing ways echoed in my mind: I swooned. He had this light Greek accent in those couple of words he pronounced in English. To be honest, I liked that necklace, it looked so simple yet very artistic. I just put them down and acted as if I am looking around the place.

"Where are you from?", he asked me while re-arranging the stuff I kept on moving and peeking on him.


"Betetkalem Araby! [You speak Arabic]", he said, with the same sexy accent in any language he'd pronounce.

"Yeah! Of course", I answered. He just introduced himself and told me briefly about his little Bazaar, pointing at some stuff around the place and telling me from where he got them. "That one costed me a fortune! I had to pay taxes twice in Egypt for a mistake in my release paper work they did!" Yeah, whatever, what am I supposed to do to get you in bed? Ewan asked how long I was staying in Sharm; sadly it was my last day. He just gave me his number and promised that he would call, since he had to go to Cairo the following week-end to finish a new shipment coming from Greece. I felt happy.. is that a sign?

A couple of days later; my cell danced while showing Ewan on its screen. I picked up quickly and greeted him. Ewan was in Cairo, and asked if we could meet for coffee at night. If that wasn't a sign, then I must be an all-time horny bastard! We fixed time and place. While pushing the end call button, I was having my shower; then stormed into my closet, picking what to wear. It had to be something inviting, but not too sluty, something gayish, but not too queeny.. I found my Juicy shirt and Dolce Jeans -made for this occasion! I took my time doing my hair; I just had to look perfect for him.

Exactly at the preset time, Apollo was waiting infront of Pizza Hut. I stopped the car as he hopped in. Who told him I had a thing for shirts? The way he looked in that white three quarter buttoned shirt was a major turn on.

"Hey! Hope I am not late", I asked while greeting him.

"Nah, I just came anyway. It was a really long day, I am so tired!", he said while taking my iPod. "What have you got in here?"

"Almost everything, you pick what you wish", I answered.

"Mmm, do you have any Khaliji songs [Gulf Area Songs] ?" -Khaliji songs? No offense but Khaliji songs? I only heard one that was a rocking hit by Abdul Majid Abdullah -other than that, Khaliji songs? I never thought that someone from Egypt or worldwide hears them, except Khaliji people!

"No, I don't. Except the song Mashkalny", I answered while looking at him, waiting to catch any expression on his face.

"Oh, okay.. well, whatever you're playing is nice", he said in a surrendering way while putting the music device back in its place. "So where are we going?"

I was thinking to sit in Armando Café in Heliopolis. It was near, nice and pretty cosy for a first date. So I drove there while listening to the non-Khaliji songs that I was playing. Somewhere between a Madonna Erotica remix and a George Michael's Amazing, I was parking my car and making sure my preferred sofa was unoccupied.

While drinking my Café Latté, No foam, extra Espresso Shot, Ewan was having an Earl Grey. He wasn't much of a talker, but the few words that he used to say every now and then were enough to make a big discussion. We kept on chatting about everything and anything till we reached his life. He was dating someone, a girl he said. I felt like an Ice block falling on my head! All this and you're .. I can't even dare saying the unspeakable. Is my GayRadar fucked up? He can't be the S word! Noway. His eyes, I can read in his eyes that he was checking me all the time. I just decided to send my probes to make sure about that fact.. Straight? Soon after, I mentioned that his shirt was amazing. He blushed in a very attractive way and told me that he got it from Greece, a gift from an old boy friend. Boy friend? I laughed and said that he must be really in love with him to get him a Zara shirt! (I just wanted to shove the word "love" anywhere, it's the reaction that I wanted!). Ewan just moved his head and said: "Yeah, kind of". He paused for a second then said: "... I liked him, but not as much as I like you!". BINGO!

After having our drinks, Ewan felt uncomfortable staying in Armando. He wanted to cruise Heliopolis a little. We left the place and took the car. He expressed that he was having a slight headache, and that he would like to stretch back with the car seat. I made sure he'd feel comfortable, and even picked a nice mixture of Enya and Norah Jones' songs, mixing with some of my favorite Sade. I decided to cruise around a little until the time he takes his Bus back to Sharm. Ewan started talking about himself, about his life and family. He started saying everything that crossed his mind. He was feeling too relaxed and comfortable that he took my hand and kissed it. I felt electricity going up my spine, banging in my crane and steaming out of my ears. I looked at him and touched his cheek: so innocent he looked.

An hour later, I was driving him to the Bus Stop. Ewan thanked me and while still holding my hand, pressed his lips gently against mine. It was so warm, simple, and exciting. He left and asked me to go home directly, since it was too late for me already. While driving back, I felt excitement and joy inside of me yet I just shacked that off my head: how come all this happened in our first date? Holding hands, a lip kiss, talking to me about his life? Am I a person who people feel safe with and confide in him everything? Or was he a horny player who like to fuck everything in a smart way, by giving confidence and care and then turning out to be the same shit? He was cute, sexy, decent, gallant, even perfumed with my favorite Calvin Klein product! Do I have to slow down? Do I have to cancel this SMS I am sending to him? What if he is just doing this because of the atmosphere I've created? Wake up Digg! Stop this bullshit. If he wants you, he'd call you. I just raised my Music, right after I picked the song Mashkalny!

The next morning, half sleepy, half exhausted, I picked up my cell phone while turning in bed; 1 unread message. Ewan SMSed me, telling me that he reached Sharm safely and can't wait for us to meet again soon. I SMSed back wishing him a good morning and a catch up later for sure. It's magical how your body refreshes itself in an instant, letting go all the tiresome and exhaust that you were feeling a minute ago, just because you get something exciting. The little kid who forgets his pain once he is offered a toy or a candy remains inside of us, just evolved in other ways; but same concept persists. I knew was crazy, what I was doing, what I was feeling for someone I barely knew. Someone who could be anyone, anything! But I needed his presence, I needed to feel good, safe, cared, held, teased, squeezed; I just needed to feel wanted again after my recent break-up that was devastating me. Ewan was all what I needed -good looking, smart, successful, mid twenties.. only the Khaliji songs needed to be taken care of; that would come, later!

We kept talking over the phone for a while. He kept telling me his news and updates. It was nice knowing all these details, sharing some daily news with someone who cared to hear, talk and discuss them. His accent and deep voice always made me feel warm and comfortable. His self confidence and freedom in what he picked doing in life made me feel powerful and eager for more.

One evening, my phone rang, in his usual calling time.

"Hey, how is it going today, Digg?", he asked in a very hyper way.

"Good babe. You sound in a rush.. what's up?", I asked, trying to hear anything from the surrounding to guess where he was.

"I am in Armando. I couldn't wait to come and see you. Free for a Coffee?"

After a quick shower-shirt-pants-hair ceremony, I instantly drove to the Café. He was standing infront of the entrance, smoking and looking hotter, now with a deep tan, reflecting what he has been telling me about the fishing trips he had been doing. I approached him slowly, taking my time to look well at every part in him. He looked fine, so fine; I felt so hectic inside. He just dropped the cig and hugged me. I felt awkward, specially infront of my usual Café, but his warm body made me forget about everything around: I was safe again. We sat in our same Sofa, I lit a cigarette and told him what a great surprise he made.

"I just felt like coming over. I missed you", how nice when you decide to believe something though you know it is just a passing emotion. Don't we all like to hear good words? I can't decide whether it was out of desperation or need, or was it for real, did he really miss me? I just told him how I always loved Greek mythology and songs. I told him that I am a big fan of Mario Frangoulis (voice and look). Ewan just started telling me some of his favorite Greek singers -I felt comfortable, he does listen to other than Khaliji songs!

"How do we say I miss you, baby in Greek?", I asked.

"Mou Lipis, Agapi Mou", he answered, while leaning nearer.

"Sweet! Mou Lipis, Ewan!".

He laughed; then said: "Kalimera for Good Morning, Kalispera for Good Afternoon, Kalinihta for Good Night, Yassou for Hi and Bye"

"This Yassou is very much like Aloha!". For some reason, him teaching me Greek words sounded so sexy and different than all the other dates I had.

"... and if I want you to kiss me, what should I say?", I teased him while having a sip of my coffee.

"Oh, for that, it's Filise Me! and I would love to!".

A couple of minutes later, we were leaving the place when he said: "Let's go have dinner. I know this great Syrian restaurant in Mohandessine. It will be great to have some really home made like Syrian food". That was just perfect. I drove over there, while he was playing some of his Khaliji Songs in my car stereo. To be honest, I liked the songs because he liked them. He kept on mixing the best tracks he loved, all along with some Greek songs. He was translating most of the lyrics. I loved the beat. I loved him loving the beat; seeing him all gorgeous and relaxed, caring and sweet, warm and tender. When we reached the place, food was great, people were great. Was it? Or were I too much into him at that point? I watched him and learnt how to eat the Kharoof Mendy dish he picked. I was trying to use any of Greek words I learnt, it was strange how you start reorganizing yourself for someone, bedazzled by his magic and influence. When we finished our meal, Ewan just looked at me and said: "Digg. I want you to come to Suez during the week-end and visit my place. I want you to meet my family. I am sure they will love you." That was bold, him asking me to go deep in his life to that extent. I just asked him: "I'd love that, but, how will you introduce me to your dad?". He stopped, then looked at me and said: ".. as my boy friend."

I froze.

>> Proceed to Part II

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