" I'm trouble,
Yeah trouble now,
I'm trouble ya'll,
I got trouble in my town! "
Why do you have to fake your emotions, if they all would fall back in one big lie discovered after a rarely sensational, usually devastating, fuck? I tried seeing an excuse for all this rather unexplained attitude, I failed convincing myself with any given reason. Dicks, butts, bareback or protected: it's the same scenario. What is astonishing in this matter, not only the fact of lying, but the whole stage built for one target: get into your pants. Why don't you simply walk closer, come next to my ear and whisper: I want to fuck you. I believe I would have an exceptional sex night that way.
Please, no drama!
He fell in love 26 times. When I asked him how could he has done that, he simply said: "I felt weak infront of them. They all loved me". I had to stop and think: were all relationships these days a one sided direction love equations? Do we all get satisfied when we are loved -or even worshipped by someone? I saw some of the people he had been with, I couldn't find any common pattern, except them wanting to fuck him. Knowing that my friend Wael is too kind, all men he met always played a certain game in order to get laid with him. That relationship might span a week, month or maybe 6. If he is a freak for falling in love 26 times with 26 different guys, they were all worse for trying to be the 7th, 16th or maybe the 25th; or even using his shacked vision about "relationship" in order to squeeze him for the longest time possible. When I knew him more, Wael admitted that he has truly fell in love only once, and it was a classic: his love was Spanish. They fell in love when Wael stayed there for almost a year. Everything was perfect, but he had to come back. They are still in touch, they are still in need to get together. All the actual passing people are simply stations that will lead Wael back to his Matador, although he is actually playing with two different bulls: his latest boyfriend and his lover.
Wael is actually on his 27th love relationship. Although they are in their first month together, he mistakenly had sex with Loren. Things are more complicated than what they seemed to me at first while: Loren actually has a boyfriend in Lebanon while the very same Loren is Wael's lover best friend. The way I read the messages in Loren's eyes while going out all together, or how Wael looks at me when he feels uncomfortable with the way he is sitting between his Lover and Fucker. Wael doesn't know how to say No. He goes with the flow, he does what the others want and he loves sex.
I met Karim a week ago. He's a fine 22 years old boy. When he told me he had been in a relationship that lasted 5 years, I wanted to know more about that mess. He actually fell in love with a 29 years old doctor when he was barely 15 years old. Not only he forced Karim to get money by any mean to support their lives, but he also made up many fake reasons and excuses to stop him from going to University. Karim reached a level that made him lost his temper, so to prove his love (and his need for that constant money flow) the doctor insisted that Karim joins him in his operations, inside the OR. He used to learn what his boyfriend used to do and one of those days, he actually operated on one of the drugged patients.
"Karim, I will cut the skin and you do the muscles", said the doctor.
"No. Wait, I am not ready for that", answered Karim while looking at the nurse.
"You have to! I want you to do it!"
"Okay, let me do the skin incision and you do the muscles. I don't want to screw her!", said Karim while taking the tools.
"You'll stitch her up when done then!", precised the doctor.
Karim bit his lip, and slowly nodded while picking up the scalpel.
Amgad follows the same pattern: "It's the end of the month. I am just an employee. I don't have money on me". You really don't care about that minor detail, especially that you have already chatted with him for a while and talked over the phone for another era. Amgad is such an entertaining person, intellectual character, creative and charming but why playing?
You usually end up having sex with him, after inviting him for a dinner or coffee with chocolate fudge. He assures you he is top and doesn't allow discussion in that matter, but a sudden flow of emotions hits you when you start making out. He actually "loves you" to the extent that he is ready to be bottom just for you, and you, and you and, yes, you too.
I chatted with Hassan for a while but never saw his pictures. He sounded smart, studying dentistry and having a promising career in his father's clinic. I decided to meet him, one day, and have an idea about this person that I liked his mentality online. He looked cute, good-enough-to-have-sex-with category. We decided meeting a month later for a talk then surely a fuck. While waiting for my strong coffee in Cilantro and his decafinated one, I was guessing what his Zodiac would be. Based on his attitude, I doubted that he would be a Capricorn but needed to make sure:
"Hassan, are you religious?", I asked while sipping my coffee.
"Oh yes, very much. I do my best in that. What about you?"
I looked around me, and decided to play:
"Oh yeah, me too. I go to Church every Sunday".
Hassan froze and starred at me. I smiled while seeing his face go from healthy red to green-yellow. To save him from fainting, I quickly said:
"Come on, I am Muslim. What's up with all this mess you had?"
"Digg, I really don't like dealing with Christians. I am sorry. I am too racist when it comes to Islam".
After coffee, we had sex. He kept on saying how magnificent I was and how great sex is, how when he first met me never thought that we'd be fucking one day. Although I believed his tone, his soft dick wasn't promising anything. He kept apologizing and assuring me that it's just psychological and because I was tickling him. He miraculously came and I left.
The next morning, I found an SMS on my mobile:
Hi, i can't deny it was perfect night, and i mean it, but i don no why i have this too bad feeling, don get me wrong, but i thing that there's somethin wrong abt me, anyway, thx, take care.
As Madonna said, I gave my fuck you attitude smile, and answered:
Don't worry dear, I don't really understand what you're talking about from the first place, but I will make sure you will NEVER feel that again.
My next SMS alert was:
Well, me too, i don understand, it's just was a question on my mind, any way, forget abt it.
Extending my fuck you smile, I replied:
Sure. Forget about it all.
He didn't want to end it, no, not Hassan:
That's why i asked u don get me wrong, u don know how much i need someone like u, unless u r not MOZLIM, i know it's so weird, but this is me, really so sorry for bothering u, i need to be sure, nothin more.
My fuck you smile suddenly turned into what a freak big open mouth:
First, it's MUSLIM. And second, yes, I am proud being one.
Faster than light, I received:
Ohhhhhh, thanx a looooooooooooooot.
Hassan kept calling me afterwards and I didn't want to answer him for the rest of the day. Showers of SMSs. After one fuck, he is in love and wants to possess me, all along his racist thoughts. I understood that the lack of erection he had all night was because he thought I was Christian. What a freak!
Why can't we simply have friends, sex buddies and fuck ones while being honest and not trying to fake a whole back story? If I liked someone, I liked his body and sex for a fuck, if I liked a friend, I liked his mind and style in talks.. not his roots and backgrounds!
Again, just try, a simple try, being genuine to yourself, before interacting with people.