:: Over and Under

 

“Why did you stop dating him?”, I asked, hiding the real motive behind my question.

“He was double dating, both me and someone else at the same time. I accidently knew, how small this world is; and I just walked away from his life. I disappeared.”

I looked at him, while feeling that cool air breeze on a summer June Cairo night coming from the Nile. I shivered and wanted to better understand his idea about dating while trying to act indifferent about it:

“But it’s okay, I mean; he can date whoever he wants as long as there is no serious commitment there. You happen to be dating each other and he came across someone else; you’re not exclusive, but both of you are interesting and intriguing to him.”

“Yeah”, he answered while looking at me with his calm, deep, sparkling black eyes; “but I don’t do that, and I don’t put myself in such situation. I can’t double date. When I am seeing someone, I give him my full attention. I don’t believe that I would be able to divide this, or actually accept a piece of his full unconditional attention.”

I drew a cold smile on my face and turned my face. He was perfect. In all meanings of the word. He was elevating me to higher grounds.

Ever since we met, I started picturing “us”. Whenever my work friends ask me to travel, or go for a crazy paint ball game at Rehab, he pops-up in the back of my mind. I picture him tagging along with me. I picture him, in ten years, living together. It had been a while since I got that emotional rush. I has been a while since I got that fantastic rush.

“What do you think? Do you double date, Digg?”

He was direct. He just asked it. I never take that straight forward action. I smiled again and took a deep breathe. I neither wanted to sound ridiculous nor needy. It was too early to expose any feelings. It was too soon to imagine anything. My teenage mind controlled me:

“I rarely date to start with. I can’t remember my real last date; it’s basically impossible for me to double date”.

His look held many questions; I wanted to ask him if we could go steady. If this was for real. If he’d break my heart one day. If I could trust him.

I removed all my profiles from all dating sites. If at my age I couldn’t find someone to share my life with, what makes me find him in that meat market anyway? If I found someone who is highly compatible with me; why shall I bother checking empty messages and meaningless texts from strangers who can’t meet or satisfy my requirements and needs anyway?

 

Today, out of curiosity, I checked his profile’s link. He was online on that dating site. I don’t know how should I react or what should I say. I can’t face anyone with the bare truth because when I do it only means the end. I don’t negotiate, I don’t tolerate. I don’t want to listen to lies. I don’t want to put him in a I-have-to-lie situation.

It’s too early to put rules; but what about double-dating?

This is taking me under.

Under.