:: The Wake-Up Call

" Baby, look what we've become
We can make a million promises
But we still won't change
It isn't right to stay together
When we only bring each other pain "

- Mariah Carey.

Being best friend with Samer has made some radical changes in me during our friendship way that grew slowly, with time, making us gain trust in each other first then influence each other's decisions and making sure we can now totally brighten each other's moods, believing in our good intentions. Being best friend with Samer made me also go deeper inside his hedged maze relationship he was having with Jack. I believe that I should bring up his topic after all this time, now that he needs to understand what he is going through.

Meet Jack: A successful good looking mid twenties man. He follows a certain career that ensures him a good income and a decent guaranteed life style. Jack is a sweet guy, most people agree upon his good manners, appropriate behavior and balanced low toned way of talking. He's smart, smarter than what shows his delicate features and cute looks.

Meet Samer: My best friend.

I stepped into their life near its end. Samer needed a friend, someone who could skip the "Hot body! Hot looks! Can we get laid?" to the "Samer, talk to me!" part. Most of people he met were just for an intimate time, none survived to be a friend. I don't believe that this was his direct choice since the way he looked like was screaming for a fuck, and only a fuck. We met during a calm early autumn night, when your heart starts feeling as fragile as those falling leaves you step on while walking by the side walk. We talked around a cup of coffee. He wanted to talk, and I listened. I listened to his relationship that was almost ending. Listened to his pain describing how things are too complicated to be solved. He was accused of being the reason why their love life came to an end. He admitted that he had that bad temper, but he never wanted to end what was going on between both of them. Someone who really was for him, after sharing 3 years of their lives. I couldn't make any decision after hearing his side of the story. I had to listen to Jack's version. If they needed me to judge, I should be able to see the situation clearer.

Several weeks later, I met Jack. We sat all three and I gave him all my focus. I could see a confused young man. A guy who couldn't stick to one opinion since you could totally influence him if you spoke in a certain confident way. Jack was in the I am lost phase. Although he started talking about all those negative points and moments he had with Samer, in a certain limit since I was a total stranger; I felt that he was making up the whole misunderstanding between both of them: his problem was deeply rooted inside of his own soul more than what he claimed was going in their relationship. The way he was exposing his feelings and true emotions were very confusing yet honest and true if understood in the correct way. I sensed that Jack needed someone who could hear him, someone he could trust. I knew later that he was actually seeking gay friends who fit his criteria and standard to be able to hang out, have dinner or simply gossip. Later on, I felt that Jack was jealous that Samer not only had the attractive hot looks, but got a new good best friend.

The break-up was evident. Their life had become a nightmare, so did Samer's life after the break-up. He lived haunted by Jack. Not only haunted by his memories, but by his existence. Jack never decided stepping back or managing his own life alone away from Samer but he founded himself as a pillar in Samer's life; knowing that they cannot be separated yet cannot live together anymore. Slowly, their lives started moving on, but their shadows were on each other's path.

Soon after, which I saw as a true rebound guy, Samer started dating Marwan. I knew about their relationship as well as the fact that Samer was looking for someone to pull him out of the mess he found himself drowning in, by running into them accidentally in Jardino cruising together. I always met Samer drunk, flirting his Rebound Guy and distant. The break-up was affecting him deeply, and seriously. Marwan knew that Samer was having him as a boyfriend just in hope that he would feel better, and probably make Jack jealous and think again about their love life. This had a mere effect on the desired way Samer wanted to happen: Jack only felt more miserable and broken. The fake rebound-relation didn't last long, Samer hated the way he was fooling himself as well as hated the love bites that were on Marwan's neck, and they weren't Samer's. They ended that transitional fun period, specially that Marwan preferred taller guys!

That's when I started seeing the real picture. Jack couldn't leave Samer. Samer couldn't live without Jack. They both were still in contact, as they used to, except for the physical encounters. Jack decided to turn Samer into a friend to whom he can tell everything and confess about all what he does, with whom he can be totally himself, since who could know him better than Samer, his 3 years lover and worshipper? Samer followed what Jack intended, he always answered him, he always asked about him, he always cared for him and accepted his fate, the way Jack was drawing it. At that point, Samer took a promise to slow down, practically cut, with all the dates he was having. He didn't want to hurt Jack's feelings anymore. He always saw Jack as the a pure person, fragile and weak which made Samer promise him ultimate protection. And naivety, if I can say my word.

My friendship with Samer grew bigger with every passing day. Jack's feelings towards me started changing negatively: I was the one who was sharing his Samer. This closer friendship made me see deeper in their situation and that was when I got amazed: all the strong looks that Samer has, the huge self confidence and the tremendous popularity were reset to zero when I saw his deep soul. Jack's affect on Samer was greater than what the American's nuclear bombs did in Japan. At least the Japanese grew stronger afterwards, not enslaved, blindly following The One. Jack was dating someone that time, hoping that he would be a potential lover, built on his own standards and rules. Meanwhile, Jack decided returning back to Samer, sexually. Not only having sex together, pressuring and convincing him that he couldn't find love elsewhere, but forcing Samer not to have any other sexual encounters with any other person. It was the relationship based on Jack's standards and needs. Whenever Samer and I joined a party and Jack was around, he made sure how to make the night turn into hell. If he isn't there, he'll double check that he had sent his friends who would report every single step, look, dance, cigarette smoked and cocktail drank Samer had. He would also SMS him, making sure that his haunt is complete. He wouldn't mind calling in the middle of the high beat, music and sweat reclaiming Samer's total attention.. making him move away from the crowd, and then coming back and sitting silently, leaving both alcohol and Jack's words turn in his distant mind. I understood why the negative feelings were targeting me: I was the other force in Jack's equation. He never saw me coming.

Samer's love for Jack isn't a simple crush, it is rooted inside of him. He understands all the plans and games done by Jack; but amazingly, he is under his spell. Jack always played with the card of innocence, making use of his cute harmless looks and great deal of love Samer is still having. Jack is always depressed, down, lost, tortured and the reason was Samer. He made him totally believe that the actual Jack situation was done by Samer's arrogance and pride during their relationship. Whenever Samer snaps at what is going on, Jack manages fixing and calming him down, reproducing his net around Samer's existence and life. My best friend doesn't have sex, he is not allowed to actually, on the other hand Jack is still searching for mister right guy. I could notice Samer, under his well controlled appearance, a shake when he receives an SMS or when his phone rings. Samer's mood became negative all the time: imagine a fire, and someone keeps feeding it with gas and wood -that's what Jack keeps on doing by his calls, gifts, SMSs and sex visits. Samer lost a great deal of his self confidence as well as trust in himself and others, because Jack's existence fed on those. From time to time, Samer lets something out and tells me about it which makes me feel anger on how he is totally controlled by someone who enjoys control to reach his own goals on others' account. Jack knows very well when to talk and when to shut up, he is making sure the rope he put around Samer's neck is always connected.. he pulls when it is time, and lets go when he feels rage. Jack has perfectly managed making Samer believe that he is the master of his own decisions, but he cannot understand that every decision is just a projection of what Jack really wants, and whenever Samer goes off scenario, Jack knows how to make him get back where he lost track by his different successful ways. Jack turned into one of them, one of the freaks on the loose, in his own way. Samer's old love is still blinding him, he doesn't see that Jack not only moved on, but he gets all his satisfaction whether sexual or mental from him. Sympathy he requires, attention he needs and focus he reclaims. After all, someone who enjoys a certain role, is not ready to give it up to someone else -or so he says; right, Samer?

S, honey, please; wake up!

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Please comment -S. really needs to read this.