:: Irony

“ A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...”

- Alanis Morissette

 

If I had this capability as I’ve been told of picking a few minutes in my life and strongly point a huge spotlight on it, expanding and transmitting all the feelings that crawl in my spine, down my stomach and up my brains; then this little story should be a wonderful treat.

I stopped joining many gatherings in Egypt for a while now. Not because only a few are worth a visit nowadays but I believe that I have gone out of that shell long time ago. I used to sniff around and wait to get invited to any of those home parties, not anymore, lost interest and I’d totally feel uncomfortable in one either.

However, I couldn’t turn down that invitation though when I was called up by a friend inviting me to Jeff, a dear good friend of mine’s, birthday party. I just squeezed my mind and couldn’t think of a gift to bring with me. I always believe that I will get inspired anytime; and that’s when it happened while I was chatting with Jeff:

“My tooth is killing me! I had it removed and the pain is really unbearable with the post effect!”, he said suddenly.

“Doesn’t your doctor give you any pain killer?”, I asked.

“He did but it doesn’t help at all. You won’t believe what I did though!”, he added, followed by a smilie face.

“What? Morphine injections?”, I pointlessly joked.

“Nah. Hash! I am smoking like a fucking old train!”

It hit me! What would be more meaningful as a birthday gift than a bunch of well rolled joints?

 

It was Thursday already and we were all gathered in my friend’s place. Some friend was DJing that night with good mix of music that actually met my taste. He wasn’t only that well into my crazy world of Trance, Vocal Trance and House; but he picked what could get along with the mood as well. I stood there, socializing with people as usual and poking fun out of any passing action. With a judgmental eye, I kept looking at people arriving and quickly classifying them in their appropriate category. I was eager to see new faces, if any existed, and socialize with some of those I lost contact with.

 

A couple of hours later, he walked in. I turned my face and looked at this newcomer. Looking at him took 5 seconds longer than the usual, I then looked away and smiled. I couldn’t find any pre-classified category to put him in. He needed a new one: Interesting People. I sighed and went to the kitchen to pour another Vodka-Cherry glass.

Since I only tend to observe and analyze rather than step in and talk, I kept following this newcomer and better understanding him. That far I learnt that he had perfect English, that he was a good dancer (judging his body moves when someone insisted that he’d step up and dance with him to the Latino beats). I also knew that he was a drinker as well but he wasn’t into smoking. He looked around his 27th year with his dark hair and finely tucked-in chemise. He seemed to be the kind of calm people but extremely wild if correctly poked.

When I noticed that he was talking to a friend of mine, I stepped in. He passed my first eye/action test, then was the time to have some conversation. I randomly talked about whatever subject they were discussing. He then told me his name:

“I’m Greg by the way. Nice to meet you!”

I greeted back and we resumed our talk. He was friendly, so friendly! He just took the initiative to break any ice and just let both of us mingle. I liked his way. In fact I acquired his move because of my fascination and believed that this is the smartest and most friendly action that anyone can do in order to break the first time meetings. We discussed trivial matters, but it was quiet interesting talking to him. His voice wasn’t that loud yet it was easily audible in that noisy environment.

Time flew and it was already 2 in the morning. Almost everybody left and remained the few people I knew, Jeff and Greg. That was the right time to take out my birthday gift and have a full internal celebration. I approached Jeff and said:

“Dude, how is your tooth?”

“Fine, I guess”, he said between a wine sip. “I guess alcohol is calming it a bit”.

“Well think no further buddy! Here you go. Happy Birthday!”, I said while taking out the joints.

“No fucking way I was craving for those!”, he yelled while taking a couple from me. “Light! I need light!”

I laughed and everybody came around. Seeing in their eyes the hash desire made me feel really excited and happy that I was able to draw that smile on their faces. A trivial gesture yet huge impact, that’s what I like to exhale in!

We all started smoking, that’s when I offered Greg to have a buff, he just declined. He wasn’t into hash and he looked really uncomfortable that Jeff was having:

“Dude are you okay? You’ll be driving stop it!”, said Greg to Jeff while I was talking to the latter.

“Nah, I’m fine!”, Jeff answered, unbalanced. That’s when I proposed that Jeff should take a cab that night. Not only because of hash, but because of the tremendous amount of wine he had earlier as well. Greg sighed and looked at me, blaming.

“Happy Birthday to the guy! Come on!”, I quickly said, shrugging.

My conversation, and fascination, with Greg grew as we continued talking. He turned out to be an Aviation Engineer who was living near my place as well. His music taste and movies-buff brain made me wonder if it was possible to have something with that guy, perfectly fitting in my twisted world. Each and everytime I meet someone who has the basic attractive points I need I can’t help but start thinking like a teenager girl if he could be the one, by any chance. Even though I am aware that my emotions were extremely rejected by my mind but I couldn’t control the fact that I still have emotions and hope even if they both are dismissed after the first sexual encounter of after knowing the person a little more on the personal level: Greg was just fine that far, and I was loving it.

Fourty-five minutes later and a couple of drinks with Greg after the joint I had, as well as two joints that Jeff burnt; and a couple others by everyone in the birthday night; my mind was rushing and jumping to ideas on what can be the next step that I should do towards Greg. It wasn’t my way to hit or ask anyone for a date but what if I needed to change my way? I might have lost very valuable dates that way already and I wasn’t willing to do the same towards that fine man.

I decided after finishing the drink I would say something cheesy like: Would you like to have another drink together? Like tomorrow around 10 PM or so? It would be too silly but what would happen anyway! We haven’t even exchanged our contacts that far.

“Diiiiig!”, quickly said Jeff while getting in my one-on-one conversation with Greg, “I see that you are talking to my beloved best friend Greg! Isn’t he adorable?”, I smiled and internally nodded. He was indeed.

“Greg”, Jeff continued talking, “You’re socializing well with people, aren’t you?”

“Yeah! Well everybody is nice around here and Digg is quite fun as well!”, answered Greg. Was he hitting on me? Was that a sign? Or was hash and alcohol playing me and understanding anything as I pleased?

“You know Digg”, resumed Jeff, “Greg is a great person! He’s getting married next month”.

ummm… what?

I froze right there. Here comes the “thing”. How could he without a “thing”. It’s impossible finding someone thingless!

“Getting married, are you?”, I emphasized while asking and reflecting in my eyes the fact that I was hit by a multistory van right in my chest, propulsing me a thousand kilometers away from reality.

“Yes, I am”, he answered with a cute smile.

Again, I asked: “To a woman?”

"They both laughed, then Greg said: “No, to my boyfriend!”. That’s when I felt I wanted to sit down and cry. Maybe take a corner away from all that smoke and faint lights and just cry! All my dreams breeze hit a big lifeless mountain.

“Geeee!”, I quickly said to hide all the amazements and disappointments on my face, “Dude sorry for all that I thought you were one of those pervert sick fags who get married to a pussy just to satisfy the community!”. Lie, but I am good at lying. Just like Ben from LOST.

“No dude! I am marrying my boyfriend in Amsterdam next month”.

I smiled, then said: “How long have you been together?”

“Almost a year now”, he answered. I couldn’t help stopping the flood of questions in my head:

“Why isn’t he here with you tonight?”

He said: “He has early work tomorrow and finished late tonight. I just came for Jeff. I couldn’t miss his birthday for the world!”

I smiled, that time, I was thinking about all the trust that they both have in each other. Even though it was a fag party, but the boyfriend trusted Greg. THAT’s love!

“This is amazing! Congratulations dude! I am so excited that people like you exist in this twisted world!”, I said while raising my glass. There went the next day drinks invitation. Let’s have the celebration tonight instead.

As I was leaving, wishing a happy birthday to Jeff and a happy marriage to Greg, I couldn’t help but think about Alanis’:

 

“ It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic... don't you think? ”