Him and Me

I can't describe it any better. This clip touched me deep.
Let the visuals do the talking for me this time. This is what I'm living now...

:: Right Back

I've been working on myself for the past, fuck knows how long. I stayed away from the usual things and dipped myself into the eccentric, bizarre, uncommon actions -whether that is partying, travelling, sex, changing my career, defining my real preferences in life, cutting out people, letting in new individuals, facing and solving personal issues or just facing and coping with several death news either close or distant.

I can say that I am happy with who I am today, right now. I have managed creating myself a new comfort zone, completely different than the old one. A newer place where I always wanted to belong; a distant dream it was. I still need to trim and enhance some of its aspects but I am pretty glad with what it is already.

Yet again I get very confused with my emotions: I never knew how to sort them out. How to understand them or define them. Am I a loner? Or am I convincing myself that I am one?

Relationships never worked for me. Twice in my life, and one of them was a challenge and "best fit" rather than just love. I feel asphyxiated, crippled and controlled. I get too obsessed by the person and his life. Jealousy, complete domination and anxiety. I just feel like I want to end it, cure myself and give him peace.

I start browsing and whoring on the dating sites, browser-based on mobile-enhanced ones. Partying. Loud music beats. Drugs. And feeling excellent. I am my own commander. Date and travel alone.

And then again it strikes me: I meet someone; even though he is in a 2-years open relationships; we can't stop texting each other all the time, listening to the electro beats all night while destroying bottles of whiskey, E, hash or just getting high just being there.

My last manjam, manhunt, gayromeo, gaydar login? Over two weeks now.

I am happy where I am now. I think I'll enjoy this comfort zone for a little while.

Put Your Hands On Me

"I never watched Glee!"

"You'll love it", I answered as I was searching on my iPhone a couple of their performances. I put the TV on mute and got closer to him so we'd both watch the screen. I played a couple of Gaga's performances, Madonna, Katy Perry. He instantly fell in love.

I then remembered Mike Tompkins.

"He's super talented.", I said, "He boomboxes the whole music and sings along. On top of that, he has the cutest smile ever. Like.. wow!"

I then played Fireworks first; we got even closer on my sofa. Now, I could feel his breath. He smelled cigarettes and perfume. I picked the next video, "Teenage Dream and Just The Way You Are" and played it. A minute later, I noticed him turning towards me. Tension and attraction was floating in the air. I turned my head too... and our lips locked.

It was our first kiss. And his lips tasted good.

Untitled

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie